i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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