You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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