so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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