well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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