make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this will be a night to untag.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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