Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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