I just pynch a tree in the face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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