my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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