sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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