you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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