You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize