mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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