I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
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This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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