He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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