So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bit a glass in half.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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