trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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