i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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