Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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