we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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