Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize