are you so shy because you have an std?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i believe in u and ur pee
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