The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize