I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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