We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize