I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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