the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize