dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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