we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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