I'm lost and stupid without you.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize