I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize