Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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