As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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