last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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