Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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