I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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