i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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