hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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