Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize