I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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