There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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