Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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