Banned from zoo.
Again?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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