I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize