Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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