just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How does one acquire holy water?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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