Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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