you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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