I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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