Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize