We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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